My Imperfect Story

I decided it would be helpful to share what motivated me to become counselors, specifically focusing on perfectionism.

“They” say you shouldn’t specialize in your thing, but I’m not entirely sure why. Isn’t that why most of us want to be in the helping profession? I’ve had many struggles with mental health throughout my life. I became interested in healing at a young age. I believe this line of work has not just been a calling to me, but it is who I am, and how I live my life. Being a therapist is not just a career, but a lifestyle.

When I worked in a drug and alcohol rehab center, I was frequently asked whether or not I was “in recovery”. Although I’ve had my struggles with substances, I would not say I am in addiction recovery in the traditional sense of abstinence. However, I always answered I am in recovery from life. I believe mental health, and healing is an on-going, never-ending journey. I do not believe that we need to change, but rather we are perfect just as we are and often need to release and let go of old thought and patterns that don’t seem to serve us in a positive way to re-birth aspects of ourselves.

In the song “this little light of mine”, the light is there inside us, we just need to pull back the curtains, look around the shadows, and shield the wind from the flame so the light can shine brighter and stronger. 

 I was initially drawn Adlerian psychology because I heard it is a “holistic” approach. As a yoga instructor and someone interested in health and well-being this was a familiar and appealing term for me. Holism in Adlerian psychology refers to the idea that people should be understood and treated as whole beings where their thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and social context matter. Adler did not just focus on a person’s specific symptoms, but rather their symptoms in context with their community, relationships, patters, and personality. Adler also considered the physical body as an integral part of a persons overall functioning and personality. He believed that physical health and well-being could impact a person’s psychological state and vice versa. 

 I began struggling with anxiety and depression around age 10 or 11. I grew up in an affluent suburban area of Connecticut outside of New York City. I felt the pressures of this highly successful and high achieving environment. I went through puberty younger than most of the girls, and began to dislike my body in comparison to my peers. It seemed to me like everyone else was “perfect”, and didn’t have to worry about these things like I did. I wanted to be someone different- I did not like myself. I felt inadequate and struggled with the pressures of meeting the lofty standards set by my environment.

I began looking for external validation to boost my self-esteem. I hated my emotions, and felt shame about feeling anger, sadness, hurt and just wanted to be different. I struggled with severe depression, anxiety, and started seeing a therapist when I was 12. I began searching for other ways to “feel better”, and became interested in yoga at this time. I remember a particular yoga instructor encouraged me to become a teacher, and I thought to myself “no way I could ever do that”. I appreciate this woman for pushing me and believing in me that I could be a yoga teacher. I became a yoga teacher when I was 18. I went off to college, made many mistakes and struggled with unrelenting depression and anxiety. I struggled with eating disorders, addiction issues, many relationship issues, and self-harm. 

Once I had my first child at age 26, things turned around a bit for me. I felt I had a bigger purpose. I was able to shift the focus on myself and my own feelings of inferiority to something much bigger than myself– my baby. Throughout these times I have always been seeking ways to cope with anxiety, build self-esteem, and understand myself better.

My workbook comes to you from almost a life time of being on a path towards wellness- many ups and downs, mistakes, and victories. My own struggles with perfectionism have provided me with firsthand insight into the profound impact it can have on ones life. Through my journey I’ve come to understand the complexities of perfectionism and its intersection with mental health, which drives me to help others navigate similar issues. By delving into the depths of perfectionism both academically and personally, I am able to offer my knowledge and experience to others.

I also draw on my knowledge of yoga, mindfulness, and of course my training and experience with Adlerian psychology. The reason I have stayed in continuous study of Adlerian psychology is because Adler’s teaching and theories have helped me understand myself. I have made significant shifts in my life and relationships as a result. I feel called to share this theory. It’s what I consider a rich philosophy. This is in the hope that it will move you too.